Tag Archives: Funny

Buff, Manly Men coaching Little Girls in Gymnastics

Anyone else find this a little humorous? Because today it finally hit me. I was helping coach the Level 4-6 girl’s team with two other guys when I realized that here we were, three strapping young men demonstrating how to dance and do back-walkovers to a dozen little girls ranging age 8 to 13.

And the thing was, for the last several months I was utterly oblivious to my sidelined masculinity, blinded by my competition driven need to see straight knees and proper demi pliès. I was literally doing chasè split leaps while screaming “You need to be pretty like I am!”

This is not an isolated phenomenon, either to myself or even my gym. At the State meet last week, I got my first look at the famed Georgia Elite team from Athens Georgia. They’ve won like 3 of the last 5 State Championships in our division, and I was curious to see who their coach was. Turns out it’s a 6′ tall black guy with a shaved head and chiseled biceps, who probably had to have his T-shirt sewn on over his shoulders. Now that my eyes have been opened to this He-Man gymnastics coach phenomenon, I remember that guy and laugh at the thought of parents signing their daughters up for the team. I imagine him growling out in the voice of Mr. T, “I will teach her how to do beautiful cartwheels!”

And yet, I feel no shame. I love what I do. Plus, I figure I’ve got at least 4-5 years before my newborn sons are old enough to be embarrassed by me. Still, as I prepared myself this morning for another day on the job I held my razor in my hand, looked in the mirror, and thought maybe I should grow a beard, just in case…


That one time I blacked-out the Gym…

So it’s a new semester at the Cobb County Gymnastics Center. I’ve now been working there for more than 4 months and I’ve gotten to know the kids and most of them know me. But there’s still a few things that I’m tragically unfamiliar with.

This semester, I’m teaching 2 cheerleading classes. Yes, I did cheer for 3 years in college and I own up to it. So this week, I was teaching a group of 6-8 year old girls how to do Russian Toe Touches. I demonstrated it a few times, and… I ended up splitting my pants!

So I had to finish the rest of the hour trying very hard to keep my legs held very, very close together. When the lesson was finally over, I had about 10 minutes before my next class started. I told another coach what had happened, and he said that the manager usually had some lost-and-found clothes in her office.

I ran to her office. The lights were out (she was already gone for the day) but the door was still open. Behind the door I saw the box of clothes, but it was dark so I looked for the light switch. There was a whole panel of about 6-7 switches on the wall, so I just started testing each of them, flicking them on and then off.

By about switch #4 I started hearing little children screaming in fear and confusion. I was down to the last switch when someone ran in and told me to stop! Apparently that was those were the master switches for the gymnasium lights! What was worse, they were a special kind (and old kind?) that needed about 10 minutes to warm up before they could turn back on.

And so all of the 6:30pm groups that day had to spend the first little bit of their classes with only one strip of lights working. Shhhhh, don’t tell them it was me!

And I still had to teach my next class in ripped pants.

I Survived 3 Days Away from Civilization!

From 1:00pm on Tuesday afternoon, to 1:00pm Friday, I have lived with only one set of clothes, no internet, and no toothbrush out in the middle of nowhere!

Why? Well, for starters I must clarify that it was largely unintentional. An old man from my church is building a cabin up in rural Northwest Georgia as a pet project of his, and he’s always looking for a young, strong back to accompany him. I think it’s for mixed parts safety, efficiency and company. He pays good, and I’d gone with him one before a month ago, so I was looking forward to this trip as well. Only, we didn’t communicate the details clearly and when I came over to his regular house to trim some shrubs, I didn’t realize that he planned to take me with him to pick up a part for his John Deer skid steer. And I further didn’t realize that after picking up said part that he intended to continue on up to the cabin to start the week’s work!

When I brought up the fact that I didn’t have any thing packed and I’d left my house in complete disarray, he sincerely apologized for the miscommunication and assured me that we’d make due, but there was no way that this boat was turning around when we were already more than halfway there already. So I called my wife, who was a little hysterical at the thought of me being “kidnapped” for manual labor, and we attempted to arrange for some things to be sent to me. I had my phone, wallet, car keys, and the clothes on my back, which consisted of a gym shirt, sweat pants, and a pair of old tennis shoes.

The first day wasn’t so bad. We worked on getting the skid steer working. I got some diesel fuel and grease on me, but I had high hopes that clean clothes and supplies were coming soon. Second day consisted of laying dirt, grass seed and hay all around the house, as well as hauling off load after load of cut tree limbs. It got pretty sweaty and my hands got pretty cut up, and it was all topped off by word that the trip to bring me my things was canceled. My father-in-law offered to come “rescue” me, but we really needed the money and all I needed were a few commodities. I figured I could hold on one more night, because my boss’s family was planning to come up to visit tomorrow and they could bring my things.

The next day we set out to work on the pond (or at least the patch of dirt that was supposed to be the pond). He dug out literally tons of dirt with the skid steer and I dug a trench through rocky soil with an actual pickax. It was exhausting and I donated at a pint to the local mosquito charity and I swear nearly lost my boss at least three times over the edge of the ditch. On the bright side, my boss agreed that we’d be heading back tomorrow (Friday) rather than Saturday like he originally intended. The down side, his family didn’t see the point in bringing me my stuff that evening if we were just going to head back the next day. Oh, and to top it all off, the cows across the street were just set out in the pen and they cried and cried all night long. I never realized they were so loud!

So, finally Friday morning came. And thank goodness, it was RAINING! With nothing we could really do around the cabin, we decided to call it and head back after lunch. I got home and was sent immediately into the shower by my wife. I didn’t mind.